A Hard Day...

{via}

The things that are worth the most in this life definitely don't come easy. Baby number two is no exception. I am SO grateful to finally have the opportunity to be blessed with such a special gift. Jared was a very special gift and pregnancy with him was difficult to say the least. I was horribly sick most of the time I was pregnant and there were very few things I could eat and manage to keep down. With baby number two, I haven't been quite as sick as I was with Jared, but it has been difficult for different reasons, possibly more difficult than the first round. I've been sick, but not as frequently. I feel like every couple of weeks though, I'm dealing with something new going on, and it's been harder on me emotionally and physically this time around. A few weeks ago I started having pain in my lower back. This back pain has been progressively getting worse and more painful. There are some days where I feel like I can't move and sitting, laying down, or walking all cause extreme pain. This back pain has been accompanied still by more nausea and vomiting. I swore that I would not complain about it publicly on my blog, but after yesterday it's all I feel like doing. I know it's not supposed to be easy. Again, I feel very blessed to be pregnant, but yesterday was really hard. 

I've been REALLY emotional this time around, but also so worried. I don't know if it's because it's taken us so long to get pregnant or that we lost one already, but I worry. Way more than I did with Jared. Yesterday my back was in quite a bit of pain. I've been trying all sorts of things to aliviate the pain, and exercise is one thing I've been doing, hoping it would help. So Steve and I went to the gym and I did a half hour walking on the treadmill. When I was finished I started cramping really bad. I thought at first it was just because I needed to drink more water or rest or something, but the cramps continued throughout the day and got worse. I was so worried something was wrong. I was beside myself. I called the doctor's office to speak with a nurse to see what she thought. When I told her what was going on she said she thought it sounded like I had a UTI and that I should come in for a urine sample. So I immediately left to the office to have this done, hoping my mind would be put to ease. I walked in, still in my gym clothes with greasy hair, no make up and a red blotchy face from crying, only to find an old high school fling sitting in the office with his cute pregnant wife. How embarassing! I was so flustered. After saying a quick hello I walked up to the counter and told them that the nurse said I could just walk in to do a urine sample. The lady at the counter very loudly responded that they wont take a urine sample without an appointment, that I'd have to go to Provo. I don't know why this upset me so much and made me feel so stupid, but as I turned to walk away the old high school fling wanted to engage in more conversation, which was horrible because I was already so embarrassed, but I was trying to hold back tears. Yikes!

So I went down to the Provo office and thankfully they didn't just have me pee in a cup, they had a doctor see me. I was so grateful for this because I got to hear baby's heart beat, which was a huge relief since I had to reschedule this month's appointment, which would have made it almost seven weeks in between visits and I was already having some anxiety. Baby's heartbeat was great, blood pressure was great, urine levels were great, but I had a lot of blood in my urine. The doctor also told me that where I am having the pain in my back is really unusual. She told me she thought I had a kidney infection or kidney stones, so they had me fill another cup to send off to another place to be tested. It was comforting to know that baby seemed to be doing well and that I wasn't going into early labor, but it is also scary because they say that this can cause preterm labor. We will get the results tomorrow, and then go from there, but I still feel unsettled and I'm not sure if that's the primary cause for my pain. It's still in an abnormal location even for kidney stones. So all of yesterday I was a giant emotional wreck. I will gladly go through this a hundred times to have my sweet baby, but it is really hard. I hope I can endure and that everything will be okay.

{I feel slightly cheesy using the quote from above, I don't know why. Maybe because it is always used in LDS culture, but it seemed to be exactly what I needed.}