I'm not very articulate. I am horrible at putting my thoughts on paper, something my husband definitely is good at. In fact, most of the time I neglect to write about some of the things that are most important to me. I think it is mostly because I am afraid that I can't really put into words how I really feel. I am afraid of it coming off as less important or insincere.
Tonight I read a post someone had written about a friend from high school who had passed away in recent years. While reading this I felt a distinct impression that I needed to share more of the important things in my life and record them. I feel guilty for leaving so many things unwritten. I especially feel like I need to write and share some of my feelings of my sweet older brother Spencer.
Spencer passed away when he was only nine years old. He was number five of seven in our family. He had sandy blonde hair, big beautiful blue eyes, and the cutest smile. Spencer loved basketball. He loved his brothers. He had such a fun personality, a tender heart, and cared about everyone around him. I was a little over five when he passed, so I don't have as clear of a memory of him as the rest of my family, but I remember moments with him. I remember he always looked after me.
I remember a specific time when my mom let us go to an afternoon movie, just Spencer, Matt, and me. The movie theater was within a very short walking distance to our home. I don't remember what we saw but I do remember that we were excited to see it and that there were these really rude kids sitting behind us. During the movie they kept rolling their gum in little balls and shooting them out of straws at the back of my head. I didn't really know how to react, except to cry. When my brothers realized what was happening they quickly turned around and asked whoever it was behind us to leave me alone. When they turned back around, the shooting continued. It seems like the practical thing to do would be to move or go tell someone what was going on, and I'm not sure why neither of those happened...maybe the theater was full, or maybe the movie was too exciting to leave, or maybe it's because we didn't have very good reasoning skills at the time. Those details I guess aren't important enough in my mind. What is important is that I remember them trading me spots and Spencer gave me his jacket to cover my head. They sat through the movie, with I'm sure more protests, and took the rest of the gum wads to their heads. I remember going home and my Mom being in distress over what happened. She rubbed butter in our hair and combed, and picked, and cut. I remember feeling so happy and so proud that my brothers stood up for me and tried their best to take care of me. The gum in the hair, the pulling and tugging, and greasy hair that followed seemed like nothing in comparison to the pride I felt for them. My brothers were the best!
This may sound like a strange story to anyone who reads it, but it is a fond memory I hold very dear in my heart. I love my brothers so much and they still do so much to take care of me. I am so grateful for the time I was able to share in this life with my incredible brother and look forward to the day when we will be together again. I am so thankful for the plan of salvation, and the peace it brings knowing that I can be with my family forever. I have many other fond memories of my sweet Spencer, and in the future I hope to share more with you.
So for this year, one of my new goals is to open myself up more to writing about the things that are most important to me.
Spencer Hyrum Tanner
June 14, 1983- January 27, 1993
2 comments:
Sheri, thank you for sharing this, and posting the pictures, reading it made me cry, I remember when your mom told me about her son on our way to a yw activity, and I think about him and your family often.
Kory recently recorded a guy who wrote a song for his nephew that passed away this summer after an accident, he was 4, I hear the song and just ball, but it is such a beautiful song, I think you would like it, but maybe not, anyway I love that you shared this.
your brother was darling, and reminds me of the rest of your cute family.
Thanks Amy for your thoughtfulness. I am so lucky to have such a good friend. :) I would love to hear the song, I am sure I will cry too. I'll try not to ugly cry though.
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